1. |
Crave
03:13
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View this as you would an unruly child throwing his toys out as he demands acknowledgement - ATTENTION! I’m a virus but common colds don’t threaten anyone these days. So there you go. Here’s Oscar-winning penicillin.
Tunnel vision rips apart the stupor
I can’t remember if I am a liar
I must be stopped-stripped-nailed back to a circle that
I analyse & draw conclusions from
A moment to describe some weakness:
A child feeds ducks & runs in the sun
21 years later a greasy confessional
New sin. New tones. Quick smiles.
View me as you would a fat cunt whinging about their sweating folds, crying on every bite, begging to be big enough to be a Jeremy Kyle martyr. I’m a failure as a human but fuck me anyway babydoll.
Another birthday, drink to the dark closing
I’m praying someone will smash my fucking face in
I must be stopped, stripped back to a circle so
Decadent, luxurious, I observe myself
Half-speed, chewed, gnawed, torn, burnt-out, rotten
I’d like to stop hating but at least anger’s active
And when I was 16, 28 was senile
There’s no end, you- don’t recover, you- fail
Down to a dot with the darkness closing in
I’m at a total fucking loss, but fuck me anyway
I must be stopped, dragged back to a cradle that
I despise & tear my future from
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2. |
Split Stitches
04:48
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You climb to the top of the tallest trees
And I know it’s not enough for you
Like maybe (when you’re looking at this wasteland)
You’re higher now than before but I’m
Slashing and burning the forest down
To build your independent dam round a cesspool of need
So you were salvation, I’m not my own redemption
‘Cause there’s a difference, I guess, I’m not autonomous
But only cavemen are afraid of the dark
But when dawn comes I’ll already be dressed
Moments that stick but I’m trying to reassess
Misheard lyrics & endless bullshit
I hurt people I love and you made me feel
Half of two is always weaker than all of one
I’m keeping a lid on the hate but it’s poisoning my veins.
I Say I don’t care anymore. Fuck that.
It’s ok, brutal but cauterised, one more lucky lucky fucking burn,
Another half-life survival but better a scar than septic, something draining
And tigers hunt alone. Tigers hunt alone.
When the fences fall I’ll already be fed.
Might as well rip the stitches, might as well walk
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3. |
Annihilist
03:22
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This was shit so I’m rewriting it
To convince and pacify anarchists
A panellist applauding the scandalous
Annihilist - a copy - a counterfeit
As civil as a war
As cold as the dawn
I say things said before
My time of relevance is gone
A novelist pretends he’s an optimist
To speak of his beliefs as a pessimist
And I am this - dishonest apologist
Annihilist - a shameless revisionist
Blind, you belong underground with the moles, donkeys kicking & screaming
I have: fulfilled my potential
Howling animals, this is heaven. Carving out, now this is heaven
Or infancy without a future
As civil as a war
As cold as the dawn
I say things said before
My time of relevance is gone
This was shit so I’m rewriting it
To convince and pacify anarchists
A panellist applauding the scandalous
Annihilist - a copy - a counterfeit
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4. |
Sinner
04:06
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The day I was born
I was raised to the ground
I was razed to be a gentleman
With pleases and thank yous
In sarcastic vacuums
I'm a coward on the battlement
It's a sin to be this good
It's a sin to look this good
It's a sin, I'm no sinner
Because sinners always win
The day I was worn
I was worn out to start
Were you pleased to see your little man
Grow to be a failure
Grow up to be so bitter
With a sense of entitlement?
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5. |
Draft 15
04:03
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A wolf stalks through the landscape he hunted in
And can’t remember where he buried the bones
So he has to go out and hunt again
Eventually he forgets he was ever a scavenger
Fear of aging. Unoriginal, right?
Even though I mean it more
Than anything else I’ve said. I feel used up
But that’s ok. Sometimes the noise fades.
There were endless mistakes. I wouldn’t start it again.
Now I know what it takes, I wouldn’t start it again.
Maybe I seem like I opened my eyes, but I’m afraid I threw up my hands
‘Cos if anyone cared, they would start it again.
There is something that I only scratched at
When I kicked & screamed at 17, I understand more
Than I ever did back then. Scratching at
Your skin for years leaves you clean, at least.
There were endless mistakes. I wouldn’t start it again.
Now I know what it takes, I wouldn’t start it again.
If the noise fades and you stop screaming, it doesn’t mean you caved in
But if I really cared, I would start it again.
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Carthage London, UK
view this as you would an unruly child throwing his
toys/arms/foot-stamp/demands
acknowledgement -
ATTENTION! i'm a virus but common colds don't threaten
anyone these days
***
Carthage is
introverted-brutal-harsh-beautiful
... more
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